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What is sexual consent?
Sex and relationships
Video: Do you always have to say yes to sex with your partner?
Mwila wants to have sex with his girlfriend, but his girlfriend is not in the mood. Listen to each of them explain why they do or do not want to have sex. Remember, having sex must involve both people agreeing to it. This is also known as sexual consent.
Can you relate to Mwila’s dilemma?
Confused about whether you always have to have sex with your boyfriend or girlfriend? And if you’ve had sex with someone before, can you just assume that you can have sex with them again? What about if your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t want to have sex – does that mean something is wrong in your relationship?
What do you think Mwila should do?
Use our comic creator to finish Mwila’s story!
- The basics
- In detail
Fast facts
- Sexual consent: Taking part in any kind of sexual activity with someone else should involve giving and getting agreement. This is also known as sexual consent.
- “Yes!”: Consent requires a clear and enthusiastic yes. If someone seems unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, or says “maybe,” that isn’t consent.
- Every time: You should always ask for consent and give consent every time you have sex.
- You can say no: You always have a right to say no to any form of sex or sexual activity – it doesn’t matter who the other person is, what your relationship is, what you’ve done with them or others in the past. It is the same whether you’re having sex for the first time with someone, or if you’re in a long-term relationship.
- You can change your mind: Consent is an ongoing process – you might agree to sex earlier on and then change your mind – you might agree to one type of sexual activity but not to another – everyone has the right to do this.
- Communicate: Giving your consent and getting your partner’s consent may feel a bit awkward but ultimately sex is about communication and can and should be a positive and pleasurable experience when it’s based on mutual consent.
- Unhealthy relationships: You should not assume that your partner will want to have sex just because you’ve had sex in the past. Similarly, if you feel pressured to have sex or feel too afraid to say no – that’s not OK, and may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
- Sex doesn’t equal a good relationship: Sex is only one aspect of a good relationship and having sex is not proof of love or guarantee fidelity. If your partner doesn’t want to have sex remember that they are saying no to sex, not to you.
Consent quiz
Looking for more detailed information?
Are you working with young people on these issues?
These resources will help you lead a discussion on consent and relationships:
Discussion ideas
- What do you think Mwila is thinking and feeling?
- What do you think Sepiso is thinking and feeling?
- Can you suggest positive ways they could communicate their thoughts and feelings to each other?
- What are some ways that someone might communicate that they don’t want to have sex? Do they always have to say no?
- If someone says no to having sex with you is it OK to keep asking or try to change their mind?
Are you working in the HIV response?
The basics
Fast facts
- Sexual consent: Taking part in any kind of sexual activity with someone else should involve giving and getting agreement. This is also known as sexual consent.
- “Yes!”: Consent requires a clear and enthusiastic yes. If someone seems unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, or says “maybe,” that isn’t consent.
- Every time: You should always ask for consent and give consent every time you have sex.
- You can say no: You always have a right to say no to any form of sex or sexual activity – it doesn’t matter who the other person is, what your relationship is, what you’ve done with them or others in the past. It is the same whether you’re having sex for the first time with someone, or if you’re in a long-term relationship.
- You can change your mind: Consent is an ongoing process – you might agree to sex earlier on and then change your mind – you might agree to one type of sexual activity but not to another – everyone has the right to do this.
- Communicate: Giving your consent and getting your partner’s consent may feel a bit awkward but ultimately sex is about communication and can and should be a positive and pleasurable experience when it’s based on mutual consent.
- Unhealthy relationships: You should not assume that your partner will want to have sex just because you’ve had sex in the past. Similarly, if you feel pressured to have sex or feel too afraid to say no – that’s not OK, and may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
- Sex doesn’t equal a good relationship: Sex is only one aspect of a good relationship and having sex is not proof of love or guarantee fidelity. If your partner doesn’t want to have sex remember that they are saying no to sex, not to you.
Consent quiz
In detail
Are you working with young people on these issues?
These resources will help you lead a discussion on consent and relationships:
Discussion ideas
- What do you think Mwila is thinking and feeling?
- What do you think Sepiso is thinking and feeling?
- Can you suggest positive ways they could communicate their thoughts and feelings to each other?
- What are some ways that someone might communicate that they don’t want to have sex? Do they always have to say no?
- If someone says no to having sex with you is it OK to keep asking or try to change their mind?
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