Sexuality: Am I gay, lesbian or bisexual?

Begin by getting to know yourself and developing the confidence to talk about your feelings and desires. You could start by talking it over with friends.  

Many people also find masturbation (pleasuring yourself) a good way to start exploring what turns them on. Once you begin to understand your sexuality you might want to explore it with someone else. Remember this doesn’t need to involve sex. Foreplay, such as flirting, kissing and sensual touching, are great ways to start exploring your sexuality with someone else. 

As you begin your sexual journey it’s important to understand that you never have to do anything you don’t want to do. Our video on consent explains this in more detail. 

Don’t worry this is totally normal! If you have never had a sexual relationship, you may not know who you will be attracted to. Or you may feel your sexuality has changed over time. These feelings are very common. 

Some people use words like ‘gay’, ‘bi’ or ‘queer’ to help define their sexuality. But some people don’t feel that any of these words fit their sexuality or don’t want to be labelled at all.  

Below are some common terms people use to describe their sexuality and sexual orientation (who you are attracted to). Different ones might be used where you live. 

• Asexual: Not sexually attracted to anyone. 
• Bisexual (bi): Sexually attracted to more than one gender. 
• Curious (bicurious): Not purely heterosexual or homosexual but sometimes curious about or open to sexual activity with the gender you are not normally attracted to. 
• Heterosexual (straight): Sexually attracted to the opposite gender. 
• Homosexual: Sexually attracted to the same gender.  
• Gay: Same as homosexual – often used particularly to describe men who are attracted to other men. 
• Lesbian: Women who are attracted to other women. 
• Pansexual (pan): Sexually attracted to people of any gender or sexual orientation. 
• Queer: It was used as an insult but now many LGBT+ people use it as a way to describe any sexuality that isn’t heterosexual without needing a specific label. 
• Questioning: Still exploring or unsure about your sexuality. 

You may find that all parts of your sexuality match up. For example, you might be a man who is attracted to men and identifies as gay. Or you may find your sexuality is more complicated. For example, you might be a woman who is attracted to men and identifies as straight but is also attracted to women.  

Talk to your partner about what you enjoy and listen to what they want. And only do things you both feel comfortable with. Before you do anything, make sure you understand how to prevent HIV, other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and unwanted pregnancy.

If you identify as a gay man, then it’s worth reading our tips on hot and healthy relationships. You may also want to check out our video series on gay health, sex and HIV.

Whatever your sexual orientation there are many things to think through before you have sex for the first time.

Talking to your partner about HIV is just one thing to consider. It might feel like the biggest passion killer, but it’s important and there are ways to do it without dampening the mood.

You may or may not feel you ‘fit’ into the category of ‘girl’ or ‘boy’. These things relate to your gender identity. This is different to your sexuality and your sexual orientation. 

People who identify as a different gender to the one they were given at birth are known as transgender people.

Some people are uncomfortable with things that seem different or that they don’t understand. If they see your sexuality in this way they may react negatively. Give them time to get used to the idea and to understand you better. 

If someone insults, bullies or harms you because of your sexuality it’s not OK and you don't have to deal with it alone. Ask supportive friends, family, or a support organisation for help. 

It can be hard for young people to talk about their sexuality, especially if they are questioning it. Try talking through the answers in this section with them. You could also try encouraging them to talk to other young people who have had similar experiences by connecting them with LGBT+ support groups or helplines. 

People whose sexuality or gender identity is different can experience prejudice, negative attitudes, social exclusion and abuse. This can stop people talking about their sexuality and seeking support. It is important to be as encouraging as possible and to help people look after their mental health. If someone is asking themselves ‘Am I gay?’, ‘Am I lesbian?’ or anything else, then let them know there is nothing wrong with how they are feeling and you are here to listen – without judgement – if they want to talk.