Personal story: Mulilo

"I’m Mulilo and I’m from Zambia. I remember that day I tested positive. I felt like dying, I couldn't believe it. I felt like I had been hit by a train, my dreams shattered and that I was a disgrace to my family – the hardest pill to swallow.

I had no idea how to start telling my brother, it took me days to share my status with him. His reaction was supportive, but I could see it pained him, although I could tell that he didn't want to blame me. I haven't told my aunty because I feel she may just collapse or something, she's the only person remaining as my guardian. I cried when I was alone, I thought of suicide. But then I thought about it, I thought of the pain I would put my family and friends through.

The day that I disclosed to my brother was through text message, because I didn't have the strength to face him. I'm living in fear now, if my friends know about it, I may be the story of the town… but at the same time, I started praying to God to give me the strength. Also, I try to find something to keep me busy so that I may stay focused.

My advice to anyone reading this story is that being HIV positive is not a death sentence. You can live a healthy, happy life compared to any other ‘normal’ person, and you can plan your future. Keep telling yourself that you still have that golden dream. Keep your dreams alive."